I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
