Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
