It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
