so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
