Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize