i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
