the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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