just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
