When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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