I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
