Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize