Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
