i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
