are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
did i just pee glitter
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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