i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
