when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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