Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
