i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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