You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize