Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
