i think my mom watched the whole time
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
