You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
