Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
