there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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