How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize