I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
