ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
