You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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