Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
