he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
