I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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