we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
