Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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