I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
