So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
