JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize