Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
