Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
