I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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