i don't like sucking hair
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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