We named our party play list daddy issues
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
