i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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