my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
