is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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