dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i've created a new STD.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
