redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
