im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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