There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it because I queefed?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
