so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
