The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
