i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
