You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You made out with two different species that night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
