I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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