Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize