nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i love accidental penises.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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