I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
