Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You ate ashes out of my bong
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
