The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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