He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
