I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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