listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
