tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
