i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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