The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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