please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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