I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
